Reflections on the weekend

Had a nice weekend overall, and did not smoke :)

However, at a friend's place we had some tequila, and he smoked on the balcony, while I joined him there for a few moments, and then discovered a few things:

- the smell of cigarettes felt so strong and the first reaction was almost disgusting. Later it did not disturb so much at all.
- after a few hours, I noticed myself think (damn troll brain), that "it would be cool to have one smoke.

After the second part, I did not join him on the balcony again, and thanks to that, basically forgot about wanting a smoke. Later walked home, and still did not remember the damn fags.

So I would say I am making good progress overall, falling asleep is also easier already. After all, tomorrow midnight will be a full two weeks! :)

A small step at a time, getting healthier and better each day.

Symptoms of withdrawal

Been reading some materials online, and what can I say - looks like I am experiencing very common symptoms of nicotine withdrawal: trouble sleeping, anxieties, lack of focus sometimes, nervousness.

main thing I'm thinking about: they will get better and better every day, and I will stay strong - I really don't want to start smoking again.

10 days without smokes... I hope I can keep going. Note to self: Buerger's disease. Scary as shit. If a person will not quit after the doctor tells them "quit or you will lose your leg", and will have to have a leg amputated, and still does not quit. This is scaaaaaary.

Have a good weekend!

Last night was interesting

Got home from sauna around midnight (sober), and I must say - had a laugh to myself looking at drunk people in the last bus. Some have trouble standing, some just look like sleeping etc. Oh, and I could so easily smell the alcohol / smoke mixture in the air. It was not very strong, but still. So that's what people complain about in buses (those who are not smokers).

Anyway, after coming home, I immediately went to bed, and just could not fall asleep. All night I was trying really hard not to be awake, but I think I kept waking all the time.
Could it have been the dreams? Because they were pretty vivid again, with some R rated content as well. And being single for just a bit over a month, it could make me much more susceptible to these things.

Also quite a few times thought about smoking while I was awake, mostly along the lines of why not one smoke? But then the counter thought came, which was much stronger - I love being healthier. The small period of time without smokes has shown me just how much cigarettes hurt you and even make you number to most stimuli.

That's my theory anyway.

So in summary - it's great to be without smokes! :)

Another day is ending

And I'm feeling great!

Only twice remembered smoking, but did not have any real wishes to smoke. Kind of feels like sometimes the thought comes that I could have a cigarette, but I am now focussing only on what matters - feeling so much better overall, not smelling etc. And it's healthy too.

Today will have an evening in the sauna, with no cigarettes nor alcohol (not yet Friday :)). i guess it will be interesting, but I'm confident it will work out, as I just really want it to.

Dreams...

Really very vivid dreams, and could not sleep properly again. However, at least there was a seminaked woman there! So overall not that bad :)

It is getting annoying though, if half of the night you are in adn out of sleep constantly, without really getting a good rest. Could it be that after quitting smoking, the brain is getting much more oxygen than before during sleep, and just seems to think that it's enough to sleep only 4-5 hours?

Very peculiar, but otehrwise looking good and already have my sights on day 14. :)

Something fun

It's great fun to bug other smokers now about quitting! :D And, since I used to smoke very recently, in a way feel that I'm allowed to do so (unlike nonsmokers).

But of course, i know that it is everyone's personal decision and I'm not doing it in any serious measure or something like that.

Mostly, it is about feeling so good about myself and my decision - smoke free being is great, have so much more energy taht in a way I still can't believe it.

Woo one week!

Yesterday around midnight I hit my first full week. Feeling great!

Yet a bit worried about the possibility of my brain turning all troll on me and getting me to believe that "smoking is really fun and cool, you should have just one cigarette".

At least that is what I've heard from quite a few smokers who've tried to quit in the past. Will see. At the moment though, I feel great and happy about not smoking. One week only, yet already felt much difference in basketball yesterday - could actually run all one and a half hours without losing my breath totally.

At the moment just thinking of the positives is enough for me to be superhappy about not smoking anymore. :)

Today is different

So around 11pm - midnight it will be a full week without a cigarette.

Feels strange, but today I've felt a few times that I'd like to have one. More so than other days. Of course, this is/was to be expected and I'm not about to relapse, but it is annoying nonetheless.

Also I think I've noticed, that I have overall a lot more energy, with joy going up the stairs (skipping a step) to 5th / 7th floor. Still a bit breathless after, but it is so much easier than before, cannot believe it even.

And I'm finding it a great motivational urge for changing other aspects of my life. In a way it seems that smoking was keeping me down. Of course, actually I was keeping myself down, and this was just one of the symptoms.

But after removing smoking from the picture, it feels much easier to see what is happening and what I should change. Not to mention the fact that I happened to calculate how much money I was spending on cigarettes - it seems it was around 60 - 90 € per month, or up to 1080€ / year. That is a huge amount of money, I can't wait to see the savings in action over the long term.

For now, the last week I've already saved around €20. It puts things in perspective. :)

Still no urges

Hmm,

Am I a strange smoker, that I do not feel real urges to smoke? I can only assume, taht sooner or later they will come.

For example - today outside with a colleague who smokes, and I had no desire to have a cigarette as well. Feels like i really do not care anymore, yet it is quite strange to believe that it could be true (after all, today is the 6th day only).

Overall feeling great though, really happy about not smoking (and drinking significantly less alcohol as well).

Cannot wait to see further progress down the line.

Post weekend thoughts

Overall I can say that I'm not really feeling like I want to smoke anymore, which I'm really pleased with. Chewing my tic tacs, and not really thinking about smokes very much. Only a few times per day maybe.
Of course, it's not even a full week yet, perhaps the real situation is clearer in a month or so.

One day at a time. .)

Interesting weekend

Had some drinks with a friend etc, but overall not really feeling great urges to smoke. Feeling great about it.

But to be honest, this is only the 5th full day of not smoking, so worse times could be ahead. Yet, one day at a time and cannot wait until I can say without a doubt that I am a nonsmoker.

Interesting feedback from a colleague

"3rd day not smoking? Who are you cheating, others or yourself? I think yourself" and "Hah, what does that give you?". To which the only reply I could give was "one day at a time".
For me it only shows that he does not believe in himself that he could quit. And I don't know yet about myself Will see. :)

Nervous

So these are the famous anxieties of a fresh quitter. Interesting, I'll be trying to look at it as a kind of a sport. But I cannot wait for them to cease.
Today is a Friday, so I'm curious to see what happens if and when I should take a beer or some other alcoholic beverage.

Still not feeling that big of a need to smoke

Slept better, and still firmly believing in the "today is a smoke free day" idea, taking it one day at a time.

When a coworker invited me to a smoke saying "do you still have a smoke free day?", I said "yeah, you should try it too". He said "nah, i'm not a quitter".

I totally understand where he is coming from of course, as everyone needs to make these decisions for themselves and I think there aren't many outside influences that could actually make a person quit on the spot. Or at least try to.

Other than that, yesterday evening (and today), I chewed on some crunchy and salty cookie-sticks, and overall feeling quite OK.

Also, yesterday - i don't know if I imagined it or not - but it kind of felt like my sense of smell was already better. Go figure. Even though at some points, really felt a little anxious again because I felt like something is missing.

I'm feeling kinda strange...

Must be the lack of sleep, but feeling very weird, kind of shaky or something like that. Like sleepy, yet eyes are not falling shut, and hands are also not shaking, when i lift them up in front of me, but still kind of feel that I have no balance right now.
But still,  Today i am going to have a smoke free day - one day at a time.

If i was hopping on one leg and singing, I'd fall for sure.

So here's the story

A short introduction.

I have been smoking for about 8 years, perhaps 5-6 of this regularly.

And this Tuesday evening, I came upon the idea (after my pack of cigarettes ended), that I should have a smoke free day. Overall, the thought of quitting has been on my mind on and off for some time now.

During yesterday, I more and more realized that I am kind of sick of smoking, or rather being addicted to it. So this blog will be a story with daily (or more frequent) updates of the thoughts, struggles etc I'm having. I hope, a place where to describe everything will make it easier for me. And if someone even happens to read this, who knows, maybe they can relate and have read something that's been of help.

Yesterday, as the day was coming to an end, I realized that I am becoming anxious, and really felt like having a smoke. I tried watching some stuff on youtube (George Carlin for example), but it did not seem to work, could not calmly sit and watch it.
So I went to bed early (around 11.30pm), yet sleep just did not come and I was twisting around all night. From around 6am I slept a bit better, but not so much. Felt crazy in this sense, but there were so many thoughts in my mind, of course most not connected to smoking, but all the crap that's been going on in my life.

Just so happens, after the gf left me, i had a bit of a drinking cycle, around 2 weeks of constantly too drunk every night. So I've combined the smokes with the alcohol too (meaning, I will try not to touch alcohol unless it's Friday, or Saturday at the latest).

Currently, it is 12pm and lunch time is coming, feels weird but I have not really wanted to smoke that badly, main thing for me is to keep repeating to myself, that "today I am going to have a smoke free day". Hopefully the plan works.

In summary: I hope I have some success with all of this. Updates to follow.